Another batch of drawings calls for another batch of answers. 

I gave you this:

And you tried, friends. You tried so hard. And some of you prevailed. But most of you did not.

This is not:

Lebron Janes
John Hamm
Charles Manson
Jason Momoa
Ben Affleck
Jimmy Kimmel
Jared Leto
Tim Curry
Willy-One-Ear
Liam Hemsworth
Prince Harry
Jeffrey Dean Morgan
Jemaine from Flight of the Conchords

Nor is it:

A hipster
The most interesting man in the world
Mandy Patinkin, but I only think it is him because I like saying his name almost as much as I like saying
Tony Shalhoub.
John Krasinski (although the hair had me thinking Coolio for a little bit)
One of the mean giants from the BFG.
Definitely someone who eats children.
Good god. I have no idea who this kind-eyed hirstute fellow could be.
Post Malone saying “Where are my grillz???”
Matthew Swanson pre-shaving mishap

Just one of you you guessed:

  • Donald Glover

And one other of you guessed:

  • Childish Gambino getting photobombed by a dragonfly

And both of you were right, because Donald Glover and Childish Gambino are THE VERY SAME PERSON. The very same person who I drew!

But there was no dragonfly. Whoever invoked the dragonfly that is not there should be very ashamed.

Next up was this human person (I swear!):

Wrong:

Mary Kate or Ashley Olsen
Morticia Addams
Is it an Olsen twin?
Helena Bonham Carter
Sheryl Crow
Keira Knightly
Brooke Shields
Megan Markle
Melania Drumpf
Professor Trelawny
Cher (this was a popular error)
Helena Bonham Carter? (this guesser lacked conviction)
Hermione Granger
Winona Rider

Wronger:

Scary Lady
Wife, from McMillan and Wife, a mystery show you probably have never seen.
Someone biblical
The Lady of the Lake from Camelot
Marie Antoinette after her beheading
A woman who has never been in my kitchen
Zombie Gwyneth Paltrow
Meryl Streep in… everything she’s ever done
A young Miss Havisham? This week’s selections are really something.
One of the Olsen twins? I mean they look horrible these days!

Cher (who was such a popular guess that she earned her own category):

Cher
A very scared Cher.
Cher. And I do NOT want to know what she has been up to.
Cher Jolie Madonna and/or Kiera Knightly

Which is to say that not one of you guessed Yoko Ono. (I can’t decide whether she would be extremely disappointed or deeply relieved.)

Moving on (because that’s what life does, however much you might prefer to sit here staring at my drawing of Yoko indefinitely)

Spoiler alert: Two of you got this right.

Those two of you did not guess:

Hillary
Barbara Bush
Julia Andrews
Lena Horne?
Older Ellen. Or maybe Barbara Bush (RIP).
Tammy Faye Bakker
Julia Child
Camilla Parker Bowles
Julie Andrews playing Julia Child
Doris
RBJ
Barbara Bush
Patsy Cline
The closest I can think of is Judy Dench
Phyllis Diller
Rue McClanahan
The Queen
Mrs. Doubtfire
I mean. Is it Tammy Faye Baker??
They don’t have to be living, right? Julia Child.
Julia Andrews?
Lady Elaine from Mr. Rogers’ land of make believe
My kids say this one looks like Cruella de Ville.
A Golden Girl?
Carol Burnett
Vampire Barbara Bush
My mother in law
Sarah Huckabee or random surprised republican

As for the two correct guesses:

Angela Lansbury
Jessica Fletcher, of Murder She Wrote. AKA Angela Lansbury (three points for comprehensiveness!)

And finally:

No! It is not Guy Fieri, though so many of you thought it was. I’d like to meet you halfway and say that I made certain Guy Fierre-like errors, but I much prefer to assume that you are collectively confused.

Nor is it:

The Weeknd
Sean Penn
Pacino
Robert Downey, Jr. as Tony Stark.
Sofia Vergara’s boyfriend
A Baldwin
Ben Stiller?
Guy Fieri
Jim Cramer
Owen Wilson
Alan Cumming?????
That chef dude? Or could be Joey Fatone
Jeff Goldblum
Jason Priestley in a tux

And it certainly is not:

That guy
All the Baldwin brothers mashed together
The boy Kardashian
Slater from Saved by the Bell at his 20 year work anniversary for Chippendale’s
The waiter who will sip you a roofie after you decline to go cruising in his Camaro after dinner.
Random member of a 80’s-90’s era boy band. I think his name is Howie.
The FBI sketch of what the perv from 90210 probably looks like now.
Stanley Tucci in the Hunger Games, or one of my high school teachers
That guy from that show
One of those celebrity chefs whose name isn’t worth remembering.
Super Smize Me

Come on, people. How could not one of you have guessed the crystal clear likeness of James Franco?!?!?!

Robbi found a new survey platform for Matthew Draws, and this one allowed you to give me a star rating, a way for you to reach across the ether and reward me for my earnest efforts…and glittering talent. I will now review the results and report back to you what I have learned.

And what I learned is… you people gave me an average of 3.75 stars, which is pretty much akin to a B+.

I am passing the course!!!

I am reasonably close to an A.

I am validated!

I can draw!

I CAN DRAW.

YOU PEOPLE LIKE THE DRAWINGS THAT I MAKE!!!!

Or perhaps you people didn’t understand how star ratings are supposed to work?

In any case, it’s time for the bonus question, in which you answer a query from Robbi, which was:

If one of these people were to play a new Marvel character in a new summer blockbuster franchise, who would it be and what would their superhero name be? 

First, let me remind you of our candidates:

As is always the case, you came through. You rose to the challenge.

  • Number one, because he would blind people with his incredibly white teeth
  • Mrs. Doubtfire burns down corrupt banker’s houses when she’s hired as a live-in nanny but can’t cook because it’s secretly the ghost of Robin Williams in drag and he never learned how to cook properly, either in this life or the next, because patriarchy.
  • Guy Guerre: The Fry Guy!
  • They would all be members of the Superb Friends Just-Us League! Their super powers include being nice to each other and undressing people in their minds, which makes them also very good at public speaking.
  • Lena Horne. Except she’s no longer with us. But maybe her superpower is that she can come back from the dead and then sing people to sleep
  • 2nd One, she confuses you to death with her eyes. Which one is looking at you? No one knows.
  • #4, because he can make a mean burger. If that’s not a superpower, I don’t know what is.
  • Julie Andrews as Julia Child as the new Marvel superhero Coco Vin. The power to make kale taste good.
  • #1, Captain Chompers
  • #1, and his name is Smiley
  • Woman w/ the long, wavy hair. Her superhero(-ine) name would be The Bedraggler, & her superpower would be, like a muggy summer’s day, to render supervillains’ hair totally unmanageable, thereby foiling their plans for world domination/destruction.
  • Just no. Alright fine, the beard, he would be The Beard. His superpower is warming his own face in winter.
  • The waiter. The Big Sleaze. Powers include: never tiring after countless rebuffs, inexhaustible supply of cheesy pickup lines, and perma Axe Body Spray scent.
  • Guy Fieri, clearly. Donkey Sauce Man. His superpower is scaring off aliens with his highly inferior cooking.
  • The first lady. She is scary, so while she would be no superhero, her talents as a villain would be amazing-especially using that death-defying hair that is lava to the touch. Burn baby burn
  • Third one. Unimpressed. She shoots withering looks of contempt and disappointment.
  • Post Malone, who has the super power of randomly surprising republicans (when he dons his grillz o’ power)
  • Definitely the lady in pearls. She’d be the commissioner’s wife who’s secretly in cahoots (and in love) with the villain. Her name would be vaguely European, like Giselle or Margox. Her only superpowers are business savvy and an ability to subsist on nothing but white wine.

And, as a special bonus this week, I bring you a sneak peek of the opening salvo of the Matthew Draws sitcom pilot being written by our friend and Canadian, Morgan Murray.

I think smell a hit.

Or is it something else?

 

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