Perhaps driven by pent-up demand, Matthew Draws 46 prompted the most guesses of any Matthew Draws in Matthew Draws history. Thank you, everyone who risked humiliation by daring to guess the identities of my hapless victims.

With no further ado, here is the drumroll you’ve been waiting for.

This person features mismatched eyebrows and inconsistent ear placement. Who might it be?

I will tell you with no hesitation, this fellow is not:

  • Tom Hanks
  • Franklin Delano Roosevelt
  • President Lyndon B. Johnson
  • Mr. Rogers
  • Stephen Fry
  • Kevin Spacey
  • George C Scott
  • Dan Rather
  • Bob Dole
  • Bobby DiNiro
  • Robert Mueller
  • Dan Akroyd
  • Winston Churchill

Also incorrect, but winning points for your editorial élan.

  • Incredible! So handsome! MUST be Brad Pitt!
  • That’s FDR on an even-numbered day. On the odd-numbered days his left ear was higher.
  • A very nice old uncle
  • John Cleese, without his mustache
  • I’m getting an FDR vibe.
  • Rudy “I am not a crook” Gulliani
  • Tom Hanks after eye surgery

But mostly I appreciate the two of you who correctly guessed my subject:

  • Putin
  • Putin with hair

Sorry, Vlad. I know you would prefer that I had drawn you with no shirt and a bear (in this fantasy, the bear is also shirtless, of course).

Moving on, then.

This person will stare into the depths of your soul – and find nothing. Who is it?

Precisely one of you correctly guessed the identity of this person. The rest were helplessly adrift like a disintegrating leaf on the wide ocean. Plenty of you didn’t even correctly guess the GENDER of this person. I freely admit, my efforts were not particularly helpful.

It is not:

  • Ellen Degeneres
  • Liza Minnelli
  • Annie Lenox
  • Amy Winehouse
  • Emma Gonzalez
  • Sylvia Plath
  • Lady Gaga
  • Kim Kardashian
  • Emma Gonzalez
  • Carrie Anne Moss
  • Emma Gonzalez
  • Kristen Stewart
  • Miley Cyrus
  • Annie Lenox
  • Liza Minelli
  • Olive Oyl
  • That girl who transferred into 10th grade
  • Aubrey Plaza side-eye

And it certainly isn’t:

  • David Blaine
  • The guy from My So Called Life?
  • A Demon from Hell
  • Sylvester Stallone
  • Freddy Mercury
  • Prince
  • Every NBA player
  • Marilyn Manson sans makeup
  • Marvin Bagley, Jr
  • Going out on a limb here…Adam Rippon
  • Someone with bells palsy
  • One of the Beastie Boys but uh-oh maybe also a girl?

No, no, no, and no.

THANK YOU one person who recognized the subject of my drawing as Rose McGowan (of course!)

I will not dwell on my outrage. Matthew Draws rolls on. Next, I took a gander at drawing this handsome fellow.

There’s only one thing to say about this person, which is YIKES! Don’t pretend you didn’t say it already. Who is it?

IT IS NOT:

  • Gilbert Godfrey
  • Albert Brooks
  • Howard Cosell
  • Tony Bennett
  • Elijah Wood
  • Martin Short
  • Rowan Atkinson
  • Harpo Marx
  • Will Ferrel
  • Richard Simmons
  • Gary Bussey
  • Rand Paul
  • Bobcat Goldthwait
  • Prince Harry
  • Lionel Ritchie
  • Donald Trump, Jr.
  • Al Franken
  • Gary Shandling
  • Rand Paul
  • Missy Elliot
  • Eric Bogosian
  • Jerry Seinfield
  • Harpo Marx
  • Justin Timberlake
  • Neil DeGrasse Tyson

AND IT CERTAINLY ISN’T:

  • My high school math teacher
  • BigTooth ScaryMan
  • Lando Calrissian
  • Trump with a new hairstyle
  • Al Franken, no glassess
  • Mr. Yikes
  • Milton Berle after an unfortunate perm?
  • John (or Martha?) Stewart
  • So excitable! Mel Brooks on a good hair day.Tom Hanks as David S Pumpkins
  • IDK, but I’m willing to bet he has a horsey laugh.

Not one of you people grasped the evident and lovingly crafted visual clues that made apparent I was trying to draw Mark Zuckerberg

In every round of Matthew Draws, there tends to be some glimmer of redemption. This week was no exception:

For my fourth and final sketch, I drew this:

Quick! Make a guess before this person’s eyes slide off of his (her?) face!

And instead of demoralizing me further, almost all of you guessed this one right! In fact there were more correct answers than wrong ones, which is practically a Matthew Draws miracle.

But a few wrong guesses there were.

  • Casey Affleck
  • The Last Jedi version of Luke Skywalker
  • Salvador Dali
  • Brad Pitt. Or Chewbacca.
  • Leonardo DiCaprio
  • William Shakespeare
  • Bay Area hipster
  • Jesus
  • Brandon Frazier in Encino Man
  • Any of the male characters on Game of Thrones
  • Me in fourth year university.
  • Seattle Grunge Personified
  • Love child of Chewbacca and Luke Skywalker

But in spite of the fact that there are a few of you who were not able to discern the transparency of my likeness, a whopping 63 (this is a gross estimate; I don’t do math) percent of you correctly identified this fellow as PETER DINKLAGE!

Which brings us to the bonus question, where the people of Matthew Draws delight me with their collective wit.

Robbi couched it thus: Of these four people, who would you invite to a family wedding as your fake fiancé/e (a la countless Hallmark Channel specials) because you can’t admit to your parents that you are single, and why?

In no particular order, here are my favorite responses.

  • I’m already married so I would take Luke Skywalker and give him as a gift to the happy couple. He would come in handy when it was time to cut the cake.
  • Way to salt the wounds, Matthew.
  • I don’t want any of these.
  • Yikes. I think I’d just admit that I was single.
  • None of them. They are all super scary. The first three look like they bite. The last one smells like head grease.
  • I would face the wrath of going without a +1, then– in true Hallmark fashion– would meet the person who would become my real fiance at said wedding.
  • I could try Prince Harry–but its kinda well-publicized that he’s marrying some other American in a few days. Not sure I’m going to fool anyone.
  • Bill Murray because Bill Murray.
  • I’m going to go with Peter Dinklage, because I think he’s played that role before.
  • Peter Dinklage, because if things got really weird he could take them all out with a dragon (OK, I’ve never watched GOT so I have no idea if that’s even correct).
  • Mark Hamill because duh, The Force.
  • 100 percent Katy Perry, and Jesus only if she can’t make it
  • Any of them. To convince my parents I’d be better off single after all.

And that, my friends, is that. Tune in a week from Monday (May 28) for the next batch of drawings.

Previous