Yes, these results are very late. Sorry, Veronica. Sorry, Don. If any of the rest of you are paying enough attention to be cross with me, I apologize to you, too. But let’s move past the contrition, shall we, so that we can move forward to the task at hand?
I drew this lovely.
And you bold people threw guesses my way. Most of you were bold and wrong.
- Virginia Slim, clearly
- Kathy Griffin
- Cher after a tough night in Vegas. Though, aren’t they all?
- Janeane Garafolo
- Joni Mitchell
- Bette Midler
- I didn’t know Minnie Driver was a smoker.
But two of you were bold and right!
- Shelley Duval
- Shelley Duvall!!!!!
Next up, this magnificent specimen.
Some of you seemed confident.
- How can one mistake the soulless stare of Hitchcock? Unless it’s yet another dried up football player with no neck.
Some of you were paranoid.
- Is that me? That better not be me.
Some of you were just plain wrong.
- Jackie Gleason
- Christopher Hitchens
- Rob Ford
And some of you made me laugh.
- John Boehner’s chinny older brother.
- Either some famous priest (is there such a thing?) or Julia Child after getting a disappointing haircut.
A few of you blazed rigth through the error and mishap and got it right.
It seems that once every Matthew Draws, as if adhering to a quota, I stumble so profoundly that I venture into the realm of moral offense. I preemptively apologize to the unwitting victim represented below and hope that she and history will forgive the unintended offense.
In spite of having no reasonable clues, you brave people tried. You really tried.
But, boy oh boy, were you not on the same page:
- Dude looks like a lady? Steven Tyler.
- Jessica Alba?
That two members of the same human species could look at my drawing and reach conclusions as distant as Steven Tyler and Jessica Alba is troubling.
But there were other ports of call on this tour of flailing guesses.
- I feel like this one is drawn in 3-D, with the mouth popping out at me. In a scary, scary way. Julia Roberts? She has a horse mouth.
- Tina Turner
- I’m torn. There’s something about this that suggests woman, but everything else suggests the lead singer of Twisted Sister.
- Sandra Bernhard
- Bette Midler
- The lips say Donatella Versace but the hair says someone else.
Someone else, indeed. And none other than the esteemed and “deserves far better than to be drawn this way by me” Oprah Winfrey.
Occasionally, I harness something—a mood or angle or collection of visual clues—that builds a clear and sturdy bridge between me and the lot of you. And the drawing below was one of those times.
One of you guessed Chris Hemsworth.
One of you thought you had it but then changed your mind mid-guess:
- James Dean with a small cloud of fruit flies around his mouth. OH it’s that guy from Twilight!
The rest of you got it right. And a few of you even gave me exclamation points.
- Bless. James Dean!
- James Dean! Nice!
One thing I’ll say about the loyal fans of Matthew Draws. When I tap elusive success, you people are there to encourage me. I do so appreciate it.
Which brings us to the bonus question:
If you had to find yourself in a hot tub with one of these people, who would it be and why? Fair answers also may include inclusion by omission (i.e. I would NOT want to be in the tub with “Teeth”, “Chin” or “Hair” because X, and therefore I guess my answer is “Smirk”).
More so than usual, there was a pattern in the guesses. James Dean took the prize in a landslide:
- Definitely NOT Hitchcock. I want nothing to do with him and any kind of enclosure with water.
- James Dean – assuming there were a time machine and he were alive. Not his corpse. Because, alive, James Dean was sexy and bisexual. Score one for me!
- James Dean – that cutie!
- #4 because hunky is hunky… Also Shelley Duvall probably has some good stories and seems nice, so I’d be welcome some hot tub time with her too…
- James Dean! Also, everyone else is gross!
- clearly Rob Ford has the most fun of the group
- Dean. Obviously.
- The last one, I’d be least likely to attempt to drown him.
Though, I’d argue that James Dean would have won this straw poll even had I drawn all these folks masterfully. But I guess we’ll never know if that’s the case.
I’m going to spend the rest of the day feeling guilty about Oprah. And then I’ll dust myself off and get back to my drawing. If you have any requests for people you’d like to see me savage with my Uniball, please drop a line. Otherwise, check back next Friday for more of the same.
I was growing quite impatient, I won’t lie. As for Chris Christie – I can’t believe that you didn’t include the nose hair growing out of his left nostril. It’s quite glaring. Go back and look at the picture – you’ll see it. And then you’ll never un-see it.
I was also growing impatient. Just like Don. I feel okay about the ones I missed (all but James Dean), but really, I’m kind of annoyed at the picture of Oprah. It was the furthest thing from Oprah I’ve ever seen.