You know the drill. You’re grouchy and impatient. I have what you want, and there is no need to be coy.

Let’s dive right in.

 

I’m proud of you guys! Many of you were right on track, though others of you provided amusing alternatives to the actual answer.

I did not draw:

• Jennifer Lawrence in that thing that’s not Game of Thrones
• Raging hyperthyroid starlet with broadsword on her back
• Mrs. Smith
• Raccoon Woman, the newest vigilante superhero
• Someone from the Game of Thrones
• Jennifer Lawrence
• Obviously, kiz-atniss eviz-erdeen
• Claire Danes
• J-La, looking hungry & gamey

And then there was the bet hedger, who bridged the gap between wrong and right.

• Either Anjelina Jolie or Rey in Star Wars

And then there was the person who got it right, but wanted to be sassy about it.

• Well it’s obviously Rey from Star Wars.

And the person who got it right and wanted to be sassy AND cheerful about it.

• Rey from Star Wars TFA, pretty clearly — hooray!

And then the rest of you, who just got it right (or almost). Kudos .

• The Star Wars person
• Daisy Ridley
• Rey from the latest Star Wars? Someone else perhaps? Regardless, she’s a badass
• Princvess Leia without the ear muffs
• Daisy Ridley/Rey
• Rey
• Rey!

And then, this fellow.

Most of you correctly identified the gender and ethnicity of my subject, so bully for you. The exact identity of this African American male person was more elusive.

First off, the arrows that failed to find the target:

Two of you guessed either a white male or a male ogre.

• Billy Zane
• Shrek in a suit

Or a Siamese monarch

• The King of Siam??

As for the black dudes I did not draw:

• Montel Williams
• Don Lemon
• Hannibal Buress? No, he usually has glasses and squints. Um. Dwayne Johnson? maybe?
• Charles Barkley
• Steve Harvey
• Mike Tyson, after Evander Holyfield got even
• Glynn Washington?
• Cory Booker

A few of the guesses defied neat demographic classification:

• Baldy McBeaverTeeth
• Wow, OK…

But a blessed handful of you people correctly identified:

• Charles Barkley

One with a pleasing mixture of pride and shock:

• Charles Barkley (OMG I TOTALLY JUST PULLED THAT NAME OUT OF MY ASS!)

As for person #3, I must admit I threw you a challenge. Not because my drawing is so bad (which it surely is), but because this person is less well known to the general public than most of my subjects (though he is near and dear to me).

 

I get the sense that you tried. And I thank you for that. But here the pursuit of truth was elusive. Steve Carrell was the closest thing we had to a plurality.

• Swami Berman
• ShrunkenHead RippedEar
• Someone Russian
• Nathan Lane?
• Kevin Spacey
• No idea, but he will haunt my nightmares tonight.
• Some poor guy with a melting earlobe. Or Harvey Keitel.
• Phil Rizzuto
• That sportscaster who thought that nobody would notice his Salvador Dali melting clock ear
• The ears are screaming Ross Perot.
• No clue
• His face is so frightening that his ear is trying to abandon ship. Or Robin Williams.
• Steve Carell
• No earthly clue, but, wow, he should have that ear looked at by a doctor
• Howard Cosell
• Steve Carrell
• John Kasich

Am I the only one who thinks the incorrect guesses are so much more satisfying than the ones that hit the mark?

The one of you who got it right expressed hesitancy.

• Is this Coach K? If it is, NC fans will thank you for making him look like the weird bird they keep telling you he looks like. Who, apparently, has also been attacked by a pit bull.

Please, people. All I ask is for conviction. When placing your guesses, go big. Go bold.

But I digress. Yes indeed. This person is none other than the coach of the greatest basketball team of all time. Mike Krzyewski. Of the 2017 national champion Duke Blue Devils.

You would think that subject #4, being a woman, would throw you all into a tailspin. My ineptness at rendering the female face has been documented for many years now. And yet! And yet…

Many of your guesses were spot on, filling my heart with something like pride.

We’ll start with the misses.

• Shirley Mclaine?
• Mia farrow
• Lily Tomlin
• The terrifying love child of Joan Rivers and Lily Tomlinson
• Joan Rivers
• Joan Didion
• Angola Mourkle
• A melting person
• Muffy Crosswire (As a divorced, 49 year old, Sr. White House correspondent).

I love the Muffy Crosswire guess. For those of you who did not know (I count myself among this group), Muffy is a character from the world of Arthur, a children’s book series.

But I did not draw Muffy. Not today. Not ever.

And then there was the proverbial waffler, who just happened to snare the correct answer in a too-large net.

• Sissy Spacek or Mick Jagger. I’m having a really hard time deciding, which is probably not good news for either of them.

“But which one is it?” you may be asking. Your wait is over. Because why prolong the suspense?

Plenty of you nailed it, but I will pick my favorite version of the correct answer.

•  Sissy Spacek! Way to go!

As for this week’s star rating, I earned a respectable? 3.5 out of 5. Will I take it? Oh yes. It’s closer to the top and bottom. Am I satisfied? Hell no! I will keep drawing and drawing until I earn a perfect 5. And then, my friends. I will draw some more.

And now for my favorite part of the Matthew Draws experience, in which you answer a question or challenge posed by Robbi. This week, she served up a tough one.

Write an ode to the lips of one (or more!) of these fabulous people. We will use all of our Hollywood insider contacts to get them into the hands of the actual celebrities shown.

But man oh man did you people come through. Let me count the ways:

• Would that you had lips, miss Spacek,
  I am sure they would thrill.
  Alas, I shall spend my days
  Dreaming of someone else.
• Matthew what hubris
  in rendering these lips:
  wide, pursed or wary
  they’re all kind of scary.
  But none can compete
  with 3’s crescent and teeth
  pinning in place
  his entire sad face
  from beady pin eyes
  to what must be a tie.
  And what’s with the nose
  and the wandering earlobe?
  Enough of this morass!
  I must go teach class.
  Your collection of freaks
  would fit with those in Geek
  Love, the book we are reading
  (despite my students’ pleading).
• J-Law’s lips are so divine
  Spacek’s lips are thin and fine
  Barkley has a pillow pout
  Mr. White’s lips often shout (Keitel in Reservoir Dogs)
• Your lips are so weird and scary,
  One of you may be more hairy,
  Matthew has tried,
  We have sighed,
  And you’ve all been visited by the ugly fairy.
• If Sissy Spacek’s lips were any wider
  Her parents would’ve had to hide her
  Lucky for her she’s smart
  And doesn’t give a fart
  For those who can’t abide her.

A couple of you wrote Haiku:

• Lips are quite luscious.
  They kiss and they help us talk.
  Ross Perot’s ears kill.
• You’re big, you’re small, you’re
  In between. The nicest lips
  I have ever seen.

And here’s to the person who had the good sense to know when the challenge was too great. I do respect a person who knows his/her limits.

• Pass to next week… I don’t like the place ‘rhymes with lips’ is taking me…

For that, I shall also pass to next week. I have a life to live. Children to feed. Drawings to do. Thanks, everyone, for being a part of my favorite part of the week.