Yes, yes, I know I’m late in posting this post. You have told me. I have heard you. Apologies and so on. I am full of excuses but will keep them to myself. Let’s just begin. Right now.
I drew this person.
And most of you people were convinced, with all your hearts, that I drew Louis C.K. A few of you offered pleasing praise (or is it better described as shock?).
- Louis CK in the house!
- LOUIS! LOUIS! LOUIS!
- Louis C.K.! It’s Louis C.K.!
- Louis CK… I’m certain of it. Well done!
- Louis C.K. with the slightest hint of Walter White.
- Louis C.K. – how is that even a last name? Can I change my last name to 7.8. ?
- Louis CK or that guy that’s always at the Royal Farms.
- Either Louis CK or Louis XIV without his wig
There were a few dissenting opinions:
- George Carlin
- Paul Giamatti
- Bryan Cranston
- James Gandolfini
- Richard Karn
- James Lipton
But the most of you had it in a landslide.
Here’s where things got entirely murky.
I drew this person.
So many of you seemed so confident in your guesses.
There was a cluster of support for Katie Couric including “Katie Couric … Channeling Martha Stewart,” and “Katie Couric in a shampoo ad”. A number of you agreed that it must be Jennifer Aniston.
And then there were a bunch of one-offs.
- (Unbreakable) Ellie Kemper!
- Meredith Vieira
- Nancy McKeon from The Facts of Life
- Chew baca Mom
- Hoda Kotb. Or not.
- Bette Midler
- Young Joan Rivers
- Matthew’s mom
- Renee Zellweger
- Joy Behar
- Amy Schumer
- Mayim Bialik
- It looks like a love child of Jennifer Anniston and Julia Louis Dreyfus?
- Loretta Switt
- The twinkle in the eye tells me its Jennifer Aniston.
- Wow, she looks nice though!
- Chelsea Handler
- Rita Wilson
- Kelly Ripa
One of you thought I’d drawn a man. Really?
- George Zimmerman
But none of you, NONE of you figured out that I was trying to draw (obviously!) Neve Campbell.
Again, there was little consensus. The sheer array of answers was delightful.
- With that jawline, it has to be Anjelia Huston!
- Iggy Pop
- Russel Brand on a serious day
- Bill Nighy
- It’s not Patti Smith, but I wish it was.
- Yikes! Uh, um, ???
- Iggy pop after a big meal
- Mrs. Bruce (my vaguely racist grade-school music teacher)
- Lily Tomlin
- Hillary Clinton
- If it weren’t for the strong chin, I’d say Meryl Streep. Maybe if she morphed with Voldemort’s snake, Nagini.
- Kate Moncrief
- Jay Leno’s mother?
- Marilyn Manson
- France’s McDormand
- Tough one. I can’t decide between Iggy Pop and Annie Leibowitz sans glasses.
- I’m not sure, but she seems a little scary
- Some aging rock star
- Alice Cooper
- the witch that I thought lived in my basement when I was little
- patti smith!! if it isnt it should be.
- I don’t know but I love the shape of the left eyelid
A few of the guesses strayed in the direction of being correct:
- Jeffrey Tambor in Transparent
- Give me a hint … Man or woman? I give up.
But…three of you got it right, including the one of you who felt sheepish in placing your guess:
I kind of feel bad saying this, but Caitlyn Jenner?
Indeed. No need to feel bad. I’m just that good at drawing.
To bring us down the home stretch, I drew this person:
Again, your guesses followed no clear theme.
There was a flurry of enthusiasm for the idea that I had drawn Drake.
- Idris Elba in overalls, apparently.
- Joe Manganiello
- Alan Iverson I guess
- obviously I should know this one but I don’t
- Dwayne Wade
- Michael K. Williams
- The guy who was originally on Scandal but got kicked off
- Dwyane Wade … Based solely on the tank top
- No idea.
- Jared Leto
- Ming the merciless
- Zayn Malik
- Paul Gaugin
- Contemplative guy with cornrows
Again, some of them made me laugh audibly.
- The Black Phantom of the Opera
- Corn Row Shakespeare
- I’ve never seen this person. Ever.
Including this, my favorite ever guess in Matthew Draws:
- spear carrier in an opera
I do not even know what that means. But I love it so much. And now I want to go to an opera.
However, in the wake of all this glorious guessing, just two…JUST TWO! COME ON PEOPLE…of you correctly identified…
- Oh man, is that Omar from the Wire?
- Omar Little!
As for my star rating, out of a possible 5, you people gave me a collective 3.375. Do I aspire for greater heights? I do? Am I satisfied for today? You betcha.
And now, for the bonus question/smokebomb, carelessly lobbed by Robbi moments before she ran out of the room:
Please write a rhyming couplet honoring one or all of these fine people.
You fine people certainly didn’t disappoint.
- Louis’ humor is the bomb
Ellie’s smile shows her aplomb
Anjelica, tall and divine
Elba’s looking mighty fine.
- Dead-eyed stares, dead-eyed stares,
Matthew can’t draw, but no one cares.
- Matthew’s drawing merely mars
The flawless faces of the stars.
- Ode to Louis CK XIV
My forehead, so high,
Escapes to the skyyyyyyyy
- Bill Nighy, certainly not of science guy fame;
Brought the magic to Harry that changed the game.
- Louis CK, you made my day
When you called out the Drumpf on his insecurité.
He’s a bully, a meanie, and a narcissist, too,
Who can’t tell the truth from a big pile of poo!
- Matthew’s drawings aren’t rad
They’re really, really bad
- Matthew Draws is awesome
Because all of the women he draws look like the actress who plays Blossom
- Forehead as bright as the light of day
Of all four I only knew Louis C.K.
- “Matthew has some chin drawing issues.
I laugh, I cry… Please pass the tissues.
- Oh, to be a subject of “Matthew Draws”
One must be willing to see their own flaws
- I could win at Powerball
Before correctly guessing these all.
- I named Drake in this quiz
But I’m not sure who he is.
- I’ve got nothing left.
I’m exhausted and I feel bereft.
- Louis CK, whose bald head I’d like to rub
To comfort him for that time that kid pooped in his tub.
- Matthew’s drawings are sublime
Not unlike this here rhyme
- I feel pretty sure that the first is CK;
The second’s eyeliner won’t give her away;
The third gave me heebies, so onward I moved;
Ending with Omar’s depiction? So rude.
And, just in case you were wondering if Matthew Draws is a global phenomenon,
- Recht viel Glück und Judihudi wünsched s’Lineli und s’Trudi.
Apparently, the above is Swiss German. I would so appreciate if some kindly reader would translate. I hate to miss a single disparaging poem about my drawing acumen.
And that’s that. Sorry for the delay in posting. But here’s the good news. Because I am five days late in posting these answers, you only have to wait two days for the next batch of drawings. See you here on Wednesday, you enlightened army of extremely intelligent people who also love wincing.