book us

Matthew Draws 50 – THE ANSWERS

by | Apr 25, 2020 | Matthew Draws | 0 comments

I drew. I did my best. You guessed. I presume you did your best as well, but friends, it wasn’t enough.

Here follows an accounting of your misbegotten efforts.

Here’s what I drew first. I took pride in this portrait. I think it is one of the least awful things I’ve drawn lately.

And yet, you collectively registered such far-flung conjectures as Jeff Goldblum. Bill Gates, Paul Allen, Tom Hanks, Colin Hanks, Noam Chomsky, Billy Crystal, Bernie Sanders, and “William Dafoe playing Fauci in a post-apocalyptic film about the end of the last race of humans before they mutated in the next evolution of humanoid.”

But many of you — SO MANY — correctly identified my drawing as being Dr. Anthony Fauci, or, as some of you put it:

  • The man, the myth, the legend. America’s favorite immunologist, the one and only Dr. Anthony Fauci!
  • Doc Fauci – the sensible one in the room.
  • Fauci with the side eye!
  • Someone still in the Drumpf Administration, judging by the worry lines all over his forehead.
  • Antony Fauci trying to control his face during DJT’s briefings

Next I drew this. I felt not great about this drawing. I have regret, perhaps even shame. The subject deserved better, but I swear, I tried.

Let’s start with who I didn’t draw:

  • That dude from Love Actually
  • Kirk Douglas
  • John Waters
  • Mick Jagger
  • Christopher Walken
  • Benicio Del Toro
  • Willem Dafoe
  • Raul Julia
  • Bela Lugosi
  • Benedict Cumberbatch? Or David Bowie
  • Christopher Walken
  • Robert Downey Junior!
  • William Defoe
  • WH Auden or Jorge Luis Borges
  • Eugene O’Neill, playwright
  • Lon Chaney jr
  • Gov. Andrew Cuomo
  • Christopher Walken
  • Jack Nicholson
  • Vincent Price
  • Armand Frenjean
  • Mr. Beeks, aka Paul Gleason
  • Mayor Cuomo
  • Milton Berle
  • Michael J Fox in Teen Wolf
  • Joe Biden
  • Anthony Hopkins… or Dracula?
  • William Dafoe

These other wrong answers filled me with delight, adding fuel to my determination to keep on drawing badly for all time.

  • My mother in law
  • Oh this is Jerry Stiller. Got it! I win!
  • Yikes. Jamie Lee Curtis as an angel fish?
  • Werewolf seems to be a good guess, but I’m going with Mickey Rourke
  • Klaus Kinski upon discovering that the restaurant is out of the entree he’d ordered
  • Liza Minnelli after two months of quarantine with no hair extensions, waxing, or Botox.
  • Well it’s NOT Clint Eastwood
  • Dame Judi Dench, but werewolfed
  • Dame Judy Dench, you bastard!

But one. ONE! One glorious ONE of you correctly guessed “Maggie Smith as Professor McGonagall”


Which brings us to drawing #3. I don’t think I did so badly here. I mean, if I squint and tip my head sideways when not quite awake, I can kind of see the likeness to my source image. Kind of.

  • Stephen King
  • Slavoj Zizek
  • Robert Downey Jr
  • Jesse Tyler Ferguson
  • Bob DeNiro
  • Scraggly Bruce Springsteen?
  • Benicio Del Toro, or some ghoulish spectre
  • David Lee Roth after a night in jail
  • Simon Cowell
  • Oh! That guy that does the arty musicals with all complicated lyrics in them?
  • Wolf blitzer
  • John McEnroe
  • Keith Richards
  • Charles Bukowski
  • Neil Pert, drummer from Rush
  • John Krasinski
  • Mandy Patinkin
  • Neil Gaiman
  • Keith Richards
  • George Harrison
  • Bruce Springsteen
  • Robert Downey Jr
  • David Letterman
  • A middle aged Sean Connery
  • Sondheim

I found these wrong answers quite pleasing/delightful/mildly upsetting.

  • A highly intelligent writer man.
  • Keith Richards wondering if the release of the Stones’ new album means they’ll have to go on tour AGAIN!
  • Me by approximately 5:30 PM every day during Covid
  • Bruce Springsteen crosses with a snub nosed monkey
  • not a person at all either! but this ape is clearly related to Ernest Hemingway (sorry, apes)
  • Oh god. This one is supposed to be obvious?  I think what is obvious is that we know different celebrities. And why is a floating hand attacking his face?!?  Clearly this is someone who missed his Botox because of the quarantine.
  • I have no idea. But he should have gone to bed earlier last night.
  • This is a good drawing. WTF is it doing HERE?

I am delighted to say that more than seven and fewer than nine people correctly identified my subject as Al Pacino.

And finally, this. Each week I try to draw one beautiful woman. Each week, the results are it is an unremitting tragedy. Please, someone who knows, why do I mangle the loveliest so? The question isn’t rhetorical.

There were quite a few votes for Catherine O’Hara. And I see it, I do. But no, friends no.

It also wasn’t:

  • Renee Zellwiger
  • Melania trump?
  • Kellyanne Conway
  • Courtney Cox
  • Joan Rivers
  • Madonna
  • Kate McKinnon
  • Phyllis Diller
  • Barbara Streisand
  • Christopher Walken
  • Barbara Walters
  • Cate Blanchett
  • Glenn Close
  • Tina Fey?
  • Sarah Jessica Parker
  • Glenn Close
  • Paula Poundstone
  • Kelley Ann Conway
  • Sandra Bernhard
  • Chelsea Handler

It also wasn’t:

  • Christopher Walken playing Nancy Pelosi
  • Shannon Doherty feeling very constipated.
  • The Snell lady in the Netflix show Ozark discovering the shelves are wiped out of TP yet again

Not one single one of you guessed Rachel McAdams.

Do I blame you? I do not. The failure here is fully mine.

Friends, it is my intention to post four new drawings every Monday until I actually learn how to draw. Check back for more delight or despair, as the case may be.






Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *